Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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