Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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