I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
