I hate your face
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
