i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
