Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
