Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
