sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
