i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
