this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
