The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
