There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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