11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
