Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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