Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
