"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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