dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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