I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
