dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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