fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How does one acquire holy water?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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