I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize