I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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