So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
