The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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