Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
