I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
