i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
