Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
