Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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