I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
