1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
