Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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