Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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