i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize