My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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