My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
