things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize