: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize