Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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