my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
