Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
