Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
