I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
