is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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