I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is my gift to your gina
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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