This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
