Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sry I called you an 8
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
