I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
