Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
