i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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