Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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