i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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