I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize