Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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