ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
