i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
