it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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