went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
