So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
