Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
