you guys were way drunker than both of me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
