i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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