I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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