does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
