i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
